Beauty in the Mess

Today I found beauty in an unexpected place: in morning sunlight on my crumpled duvet, in its creases and crinkles and the patterns of light and shadow they created. I felt a prompting to keep looking, to lean in closer to find out what God was showing me in this moment.

I realised that my heart feels like that duvet right now. Messy, chaotic, disordered, a little crumpled. The anxiety that I feel about writing this blog and what people will think. The shame at thinking I’m not good enough. The feelings of ugliness and dirt that just won’t shift. Feeling unacceptable to God. The chaos in my mind that won’t stop whirring. Shame, anxiety, more shame.

But if I can find the subtle beauty in an unmade bed, can I also find it in myself?

I know that the one who made me can see the beauty in all my flaws, like an imperfect diamond held up to the light. What if the dark valleys of my heart – the places I want to keep in the shadows – make the brighter parts stand out more? What if I’m acceptable to him just as I am? What if even my inner chaos is precious to him?

It reminds me of a teaching that I heard recently from a man named David Runcorn who said that God’s most creative work comes out of formless chaos. He quoted this Bible verse: Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. Genesis 1:2 NIV.

His talk was about the chaos of our life circumstances but I’m beginning to see that it applies to the chaos in my heart too. If God could make mountain ranges, bird song and the fresh greens of Spring out of formless emptiness, then surely he can create beauty out of my shame-filled heart.

Just writing these words has calmed me. I know there’s hope and that out of my shame will spring magnificent new life. I know there is beauty there, I just have to look for it.

Where is the beauty in your inner messiness? What’s being created in you through it?

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Kirstie Gale
2 years ago

You are one of the most beautiful human beings ( inside and out ) to have walked the planet . I wish you could see what other people see. My best friend forever xx